Sometimes
by TheMightyAtticus
Summary: Sometimes, things change so subtly you don't realize it until you're too far gone to come back. Slash KendallXJames


Hi, I'm Atticus and this is my first BTR fic. It's inspired by the song 36 degrees by Placebo. Hope you enjoy it!|

Of course you already know it isn't mine-

XXX

They both like girls.

They both like the sweet smell of perfume, the allure of short skirts, and the promise contained in bare cleavage.

They both love to watch as a sweet, blushing girl becomes a wanton, needy creature beneath him, gasping his name like a prayer, and the feeling of that tight heat surrounding him.

But they were young, they had needs, and sometimes, there were no girls around.

Sometimes, they had to help each other out.

Sometimes it felt good when it was someone else's hand, pumping and stroking and teasing in ways they couldn't do alone. Sometimes, it was easy to forget about the fact that they were both boys who liked girls. Sometimes, a mouth was a mouth, hot and wet. Sometimes you had to give to get, so it was about being fair more than anything else.

Sometimes touring was stressful. The bus was crowded and the days were endless, blurring together until they lost track of days and weeks. Sometimes they didn't know where they were at all. On nights like that, sometimes it felt good to turn to each other.

Sometimes, things change so subtly you don't realize it until you're too far gone to come back.

It had started out harmless enough, a distraction from the loneliness of such a mobile life. It made sense in the beginning, because they had always been there for each other before. It had seemed natural.

But now, their dynamic had started to shift. When one happened to score with a girl, the other couldn't shake off the lingering, nameless bad feeling it left him with. When one was with a girl, he began to wonder why the other's face wouldn't leave his mind, or why he had to bit his lip to keep from calling out his name.

Sometimes it seems like other people notice. They get so paranoid of being discovered that they stop spending time alone together at all. When their bandmates start to notice their strange avoidance, they pretend not to notice; pretend everything is fine.

Sometimes their avoidance starts to piss them off. They find themselves fighting, bickering, arguing over things that don't matter because they're so tired of all the bullshit. Sometimes it gets so tense all they want to do is lash out. The night they got home from their tour, that's exactly what James did.

He's pissed off that he's being ignored, pissed that he's losing his best friend over something that was supposed to mean nothing, and pissed that the first person Kendall goes to see is Jo. He waits up, fuming, until Kendall stumbles in at half past three, hair mussed and buttons askew. James punches him.

He hits him because he's angry, because he's confused and jealous. He hits him because he wants to get hit back. He wants Kendall to lash out at him, to fight him, to scream at him. He wants Kendall to care.

Kendall's lip is bleeding and he's completely caught off guard. He doesn't make any noise because everyone is sleeping, but the look in his green eyes is enough to let James know he's in for it, and that feels good.

Kendall hesitates for a moment, seeing the grim satisfaction on James' perfect face. Kendall hates to be predictable, so instead of hitting James, he acts out his most forbidden desire, the one that's been haunting his sleep for the last three months, surprising his best friend with a fierce, ardent kiss that leaves them weak in the knees and breathless.

In the heat of the moment, they realize this is what they've been missing, that they've been more than friends for a long time now, and that the new truth is the two of them. So this time, they don't pretend to think about the girls they should be fucking, they don't pretend it's nothing. This time it's all real. This time it's them.

Kendall shoves James against the wall, trailing bruising, possessive kisses along James' jaw and throat. It's new, the kissing, and it's electrifying. James whimpers and spears his fingers through Kendall's soft hair. Kendall looks up at him through heavy lidded eyes, lust and the ghost of loneliness warring there. He pulls Kendall's mouth back to his, to kiss away the pain and wasted time.

After that, it's shedding clothes and hot, searching hands grasping at sleek muscle and sensitive skin. They can't get enough of each other; they need each other more than they ever thought they could.

James can't get enough of the way Kendall tastes. He kisses and licks down the sculpted body, pausing to bite and tease the hard buds of his nipples, shivering at the little moan it gets out of Kendall. He continues on, sinking to his knees, biting the soft skin at his navel and getting a grip on the deep, muscular cuts on Kendall's waist. Teasingly, he nips at his thighs and ghosts his tongue over the tip of his hard length, loving the way that Kendall gasps out his name. He doesn't tease anymore, just takes Kendall into his mouth, coaxing out the addictive little sounds his lover makes with his skilled lips and tongue.

Kendall pulls James up for a heated kiss, teeth clashing and tongues raging. He can't get enough of the way James feels, the way he shivers as Kendall's fingertips trail goosebumps on his golden skin, the way he can feel his stomach contract as he caresses those amazing washboard abs. He bites his tongue on a growl as James throws his head back and lets out a deep, throaty moan when he touches him where he wants it most, stroking up and down, until James wraps a leg around his waist, the signal to stop playing.

Kendall makes quick, thorough work of preparing James. They've never done this before, but Kendall's thought about it enough to learn how to do it right. James' breath is hitching and little sobs escape him as Kendall eases in, trying to be as gentle as he can, ignoring every instinct to push harder and go faster. He waits for James to adjust, kissing him and murmuring apologies for everything they'd ever fought about. James nods his, too far gone for words, and pushes his hips down against Kendall, letting him know that he's ready to move.

They stand there in the hall, James' back against the wall and Kendall flush against him, as they make love for the first time. They press against each other, synchronized just like in the studio, bodies making music of their own. This is everything. This is their world. They come together on a shattered breath, kissing and hugging, eyes streaming tears. It's emotion like they've never felt, and they never want it to end.

The next morning, their friends are not surprised to find them curled together, still naked on the hallway floor, asleep and clutching each other like they never want to let go. Logan wakes them up and urges them to go back to bed before Mrs. Knight finds them. He and Carlos exchange a knowing smile, glad to finally have the issue settled.

Sometimes you don't realize that what you need most is right in front of your eyes. If you're lucky, you figure it out before you lose it, and you cling to it and cherish it.

XXX

Thoughts? Comments? Please review! -Atticus


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